The Practice of Returning to Yourself (Navigating the comparison trap and coming back to your own timeline)
When I start comparing myself with others, I know it's time to come back to myself.
This is something I’ve come to learn over the years, having navigated season after season where I unintentionally found myself caught in the comparison trap. What I’ve realized is that falling into comparison isn't an innate character flaw—it is simply a reflection of my current state of self-care. It’s my body and mind’s way of signaling: You’re tired, and it’s time to refocus your energy and care back to yourself.
There are moments in life when we are actively reaching for something we deeply want, yet the waiting, the building, or the gap between where we are and where we dream to be feels heavy and stark.
Have you ever known that feeling? That tender space where you are pouring your heart into creating a life you so badly want — a life of depth, beauty, and meaningful —and yet you are acutely aware that you aren’t quite there yet?
At our core, many of us who feel this way are big dreamers and idealists. We long to live rich, expansive, meaningful lives. But when you carry big dreams, there is inevitably a gap between the vision in your heart and the reality of your current day to day. Straddling that gap can be hugely uncomfortable.
I know this feeling intimately.
I remember going through the hardest breakup of my life a few years back - spending nights feeling like I was in an abyss. And at that time news of friends around me getting pregnant and starting families brought me to tears. I felt guilty for not being able to share more naturally in their joy and yet I knew I wasn’t in a space where I could force anything. I so deeply wanted to be genuinely happy for my friends, but I had to admit that at that time, it was hard for me. I knew I couldn't force a reaction or a feeling I simply didn't have the capacity for, and I had to take the time for myself to heal and to feel better in my life again.
More recently, in moments of low energy, I’ve found myself scrolling Instagram and seeing other women in business share beautifully polished posts, client reviews, and what seemed like seamless program launches. I felt that familiar twinge—realizing how deeply I want to refine and focus on my own 1-to-1 offerings, yet feeling like I hadn’t quite made the same inroads in that area just yet.
At various stages of life, we all navigate this comparison trap. But what we so often forget is that it is almost always a sign we have been neglecting our own self-care.
Feelings of envy, discontent, frustration, or jealousy are always so much more prominent and heavier when we are physically tired, emotionally drained or stressed.
It is easy to wonder why we are suddenly thinking or feeling this way, spiraling into self-blame, analyzing our "shadow," or trying to consciously "fix" our mindset. But in reality, our mental state is deeply influenced by basic physical factors. When our physical capacity is depleted, our emotional resilience narrows.
Recognizing this has completely shifted my perspective. Coming back into alignment is no longer about fighting my thoughts or fixing a character flaw —it has become a practice of returning directly to physical self-care.
So, what can we actually do when we find ourselves straddling this uncomfortable gap? How do we use comparison not as a reason to criticize ourselves, but as a gentle signal to return home to our own body and acknowledge our preciousness and our unique timeline?
Here are a few gentle practices that have helped me come back to myself whenever I fall into this space:
1. Acknowledge Without Judgment
It is so easy to spiral into the "shoulds." I shouldn’t be looking at Instagram. I shouldn’t be comparing myself. I know better than this. We scold ourselves, sigh, and enforce a strict social media ban out of guilt.
But shifting from within begins with gentle acknowledgment.
It’s okay to admit gently and with love:
I acknowledge how I am feeling.
I am feeling envious right now. I am feeling behind. I want what they have, and it hurts that I’m not there yet.
Giving yourself permission to feel it without shame or guilt or blame is the first step toward opening up space…
And as my mentor always mentioned - recognizing that you only feel this way because you are actively working towards a goal in your life. And having a goal and moving towards your dream is a BEAUTIFUL thing to be celebrated.
2. Spend Time Reconnecting with Yourself
After going through this many times in my life, I’ve noticed a pattern: whenever I fall deeply into comparison, it’s usually because I haven't been spending enough time with myself.
When I reflect on those moments that I feel this way - it's often when my body is physically tired. Perhaps it's around the time of my period in the month. I might have been working towards certain goals in my marketing, or in my day job, trying to balance things. I could also have been going out alot and having a lot more fun but not having enough rest. Often times, my own self-massage practice has usually been minimal. I’ve been pouring energy outward into work, logistics, or other people, forgetting to touch my own body and reconnect with who I am.
So whenever I get into that state - nowadays my first thought is, how much time have I been spending with my body? And how can I go back to my practise and increase that intentionally?
One of the reasons I fell in love with the Lilynage® method of Deep Lymphatic Self-Massage was actually its philosophy of MEDERU 愛でる — to love and cherish oneself.
There is something precious about setting aside time to be with yourself — using your own hands to touch and care for the body that carries you through your life.
When I spend that time physically reconnecting with myself, my attention focuses back to me, my body and I’m reminded of just how hard I have been working at life.
I notice how I'm feeling. I notice where I'm tired or tense. I spend time acknowledging and remembering the me who has only ever done what she could given the resources she had at any time in her life.
A reminder of how I’m a person who is precious and worthy of my own time, attention and care.
When we practice intentional touch and massage our own bodies, we cultivate love and draw our attention back inward. We move out of the noisy, competitive thoughts in our heads and anchor back into physical reality. In that space of gentle care, we remember our own worth, our unique traits, and our inherent value. How we are all precious beings deserving of love, recognition and acceptance.
3. Lean On Trusted Support (or Find "Virtual" Encouragement)
This is not the time to isolate yourself. Reach out to close, trusted friends and family who remind you of who you are when you’ve forgotten. Allow yourself to be supported and encouraged. There are so many times that I rely on my loved ones and trusted friends and even star their messages of encouragement in my phone to listen to.
And if you don't have that immediate circle around you right now, curate what enters your ears. Listen to podcasts, affirmations, or audiobooks from the mentors and "ideal friends" you admire—voices that speak life, patience, and truth into your day.
4. Put on your Blinders and Return to Your Lane
Yes, shut off noisy external influences for a little while. Put the phone down—not out of punishment, but out of protection for your peace. Focus on the simple, immediate things right in front of you today.
Remind yourself: I am in my own lane, blossoming on my own timeline.
Come back to Nature.
This is an analogy that has always always grounded me.
We are part of nature. And as with any plant in nature, trees, flowers… they go through seasons of growth, rooting, blossoming…. in their own beautiful time.
Flowers don't bloom all at once, and your path is unfolding exactly as it needs to.
5. Take the time to focus on what is going well
I have often found that in these times, it's also because i've overlooked the things that are going well. The things that already fill my cup. The things that I can be very grateful for.
The small things - a warm delicious cup of coffee made by my loved one.
A cozy bed and pillow.
Good cooling weather.
Friends who cheer me on.
Parents who support through their own way - in my case it's through meals and car rides (haha!) and correcting grammar on my IG posts (yes that's my mum).
When we focus our attention on what is going on well in life, it trains us to see what's good… and this helps to radiate out in all areas of our lives. It's a way of filling our tanks up again.
Returning to Yourself Through Touch
If you are feeling the weight of comparison or feeling in need of nourishment today, I invite you to slow down and come back to your physical body.
I’ve created a guided Self-Massage Sequence for Coming Home to Yourself, Blossom in your own timeline on my YouTube channel from a youtube Live that I did earlier this year —a gentle practice designed to calm, rejuvenate and bring you back into your own body & the beauty of your own timing.
And if you’d like to explore deeper, daily rituals to support your nervous system as you navigate these transitions, you can find my full library of practices inside the Online Video Gallery or the 7 Day Energy Reset Ritual.
You can use the code WELCOME at checkout to enjoy your first month off the Online Video Gallery, giving yourself the space to return home to yourself—one touch, one breath, and one day at a time.
